I can feel it rising up inside of me, the urge to fight back, the scrambling to find a breach in the system, the desire to manipulate the situation to work out the way I think it should. After all, I had a master plan, a plan in my mind that would go off without a hitch. Now I'm left staring at the bits and pieces of my plan scattered all around me, wondering what went wrong. Expectations unfulfilled, confidence shattered, dreams dashed on the rocks of reality. Should I be surprised? It isn't as if this is the first time my strategy has fallen through. Even still, as I stand holding what's left of my thwarted efforts and failed attempts in my hands yet again, my knee-jerk reaction is to push back. Find a different route. Make it happen on my own terms. Until I hear...the Voice.
"Meredith, do you trust Me?"
"Well yes, Lord. Of course I do," comes my retort. My mind is still reeling. Must...figure...this...out.
"Do you trust My love for you, that it is enough? Do you believe I am who I say I am? You can rest in my Sovereignty. Stop your striving, cease your manipulating. I have a plan, and unlike yours, it is absolutely perfect. Flawless. You can trust Me."
I am silenced in the presence of the Divine. My heart stops racing and I am still. Proverbs 3:5-6 floods my thoughts: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
This is where I am right now. Maybe you are here too. With tear-filled eyes and a humbled heart, I am longing to fully trust the Lord with every detail of my life, no matter how seemingly insignificant, no matter how grandiose. My plans are feeble and near-sighted. I cannot see the big picture, the masterpiece that my Creator God is fashioning in the depths of His heart, but I can rest in knowing that it is good. I know that He is good. Dependable. Trustworthy.
So I willingly admit defeat. I am incapable of running my own life (thank God!) and why would I ever want to? Why would I ever think that I have a better idea than the One who dreamed up the Universe? Ridiculous. How could I ever assume that I know what's best for me, better than the God who offered His Son's life to save mine? Absurd. If there's one thing I can bank on it's that Jesus Christ will never fail. He won't forget about me. He won't get busy with something else and have to come back to me later. He is constant. His plans are perfect, His ways are exponentially higher. And if I know this in my heart and believe it to be true, I will be free from the pressure of trying to figure it all out on my own. Whew, what a relief.
Never once have you failed me, God. I choose to trust You.
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take him at his Word
Just to rest upon his promise, just to know 'thus says the Lord'
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him
How I've proved him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O for grace to trust him more
I'm so glad I learned to trust him, precious Jesus, Savior, Friend
And I know that you are with me, will be with me till the end
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him
How I've proved him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O for grace to trust him more
Thank You
Thank you so much for this blog. This is exactly where I am in my life. I have made my plan...and I am in the ministry (you would think I would know better!). But God is showing me other wise, His way is definitely not what I would imagine but it is HIS life, not mine. I am sure when Daniel was taken in to Babylon he was wondering what on earth God was doing..and I am sure Daniel had never dreamt of being taken from his family & home for the rest of his life. But he knew his life was not his own, and look what God did through him. Thank you again Meredith for this blog and everything that you do. May God richly bless you & Jacob.
Trusting??
It is so difficult to truly trust someone. Though trusting is different when you bring Jesus into the picture. What is trust? Trust is faith, belief, hope, conviction, confidence, expectation, reliance, and dependence. If you put your whole life and all that trust is into the Lord, you will truly see, feel and experience how God planned for you too from the very beginning. You don’t have to come with all the answers, with everything in your life put together, you just have to come broken and let Jesus put everything together while trusting him with all your heart.